Paula Thomas

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Parenting vs. education: Defining roles can be difficult
By PAULA THOMAS
AccessLife Newswire (Posted Sept 22, 2000.)

Every parent wants the best education possible for his or her child. But where does the work of the parent end and the teacher begin? How much should teachers be expected to do? How much should teachers expect parents to be involved in the age of single families and working parents?
Parents and educators have been bumping heads over these issues for years with the child caught in the middle.
Whether the child has a disability or not, parental involvement is important, said John Stevens, special education consultant for the Region XIV Education Service Center in Abilene, Texas.
"I don't think there is enough parental involvement," Stevens said. "[Parents] need to take an active role in their child's education, not just send their kid off to school."
Sonya Schug, special education teacher at Gallup Middle School in Gallup, N.M., noted a similar sentiment.
"Some parents had negative influences due to their over-involvement," Shug said. "These parents don't realize that teachers have more than one child to teach. However, (some parents) expect the teacher to be the sole provider teaching academic, social and home life skills without any help from home."
Another source of educational challenges is parental resistance to the labeling of their child.
"I had a student who desperately needed special education services but, due to the stigma of the 'special education' label, the parents refused," said Leslie Bubenik, math teacher at Gallup Middle School. "As a result, the student isn't learning, the regular education teacher is trying but cannot meet the needs of this student and the special education teacher cannot legally offer help."
The parents
"At one time or another, we all have hoped and prayed for a miracle," stated Ann McCarty, instructional assistant/autism for the Fairfax County, Va. Public Schools and mother of two children with learning disabilities.
With a foot in both worlds, McCarty can understand a parent's inability to accept their child's diagnosis, how they always wonder if maybe just a few more years of development will change the child's abilities.
She also strongly believes caution should be exercised to not to ask more of the child than the child is capable of performing. McCarty has witnessed outbursts of frustration and emotional stress when parents pressure children to reach beyond their ability.
"Good home-school communication and realistic expectations guarantee the greatest level of success," McCarty said.
"Issues faced by parents with disabilities are different and often more complex than those of able-bodied parents," said Ben Sullivan, author of "Disabled Parenting Today" who uses a wheelchair and has arteriovenous malformation.
"On top of the physical challenges parents with disabilities face, there are issues of discrimination, and the real unease with, and mistrust of, people with disabilities by many able-bodied persons," Sullivan said.
With a baby on the way, Sullivan and his wife began searching for parenting tips from other parents with disabilities. Many books and magazines written by experts were available but nothing that would be a venue for shared information. Thus, his publication became reality.
Despite the advances made in technology, laws and educating the public, "many disabled parents fear the removal of their children, feeling they have their parenting skills more intently scrutinized than those of able-bodied parents," continued Sullivan. "I am at a disadvantage [but] I'm not inferior."
Understanding and cooperation were the key factors that proved most helpful for Becky Baumann of Aurora, Ill., a registered nurse with multiple sclerosis and a wheelchair user.
"My parenting abilities were not really affected," Baumann said. "We had to change a few rules in the house such as keeping areas neat and clutter free."
Baumann was and continues to be active in her children's education. "I work hard with my kids on everything they do. If an area for school meetings was inaccessible, I was given help or the meeting was moved to an accessible area. It was a hassle at times but, in the end, it was well worth the effort," she said.
The child

Eric Elam is a 20-year-old graduate of Collierville High School in Collierville, Tenn. who has cerebral palsy and has used a wheelchair most of his life.
Teased by his peers in elementary school, Elam developed a "Sure, I have some problems, but everyone does" attitude that carried him through his academic classes and into the athletic locker room.
With encouragement from his parents, teachers and coaches, Elam attended football practice and helped out in any way he could - from "psyching up the team" to listening to the other students' concerns.
"I know some other kids in wheelchairs who are not as active as I am," Elam said. "They are missing out."
On attending the class prom last spring, Elam commented, "When the window of opportunity appears, don't pull down the shade."
The solution

Obviously, parental involvement in education is the key -- whether the child be special education or regular education.
"Positive parenting involves a give-and-take between parent and teacher," said Schug. "These types of parents offer all the support they can and willingly provide information about their child."
"Showing the parents what to do and involving them in parents' night made a big difference," said Terry Grosvenor, early childhood consultant for the Region XIV Education Service Center, witnessing what other people are doing for their children.
From individualized education plans and early childhood intervention to accessing all resources available and making opportunities for parental involvement, the two major factors experts always mention are attitude and involvement.
Paula Thomas is a freelance writer for AccessLife Newswire who lives in Abilene, Texas. You can reach her at Thomaspaulat@aol.com.

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